Note to Women: Let A Man Be A Man

 By Dr. J

Kelly Rowland mentioned in an article for Complex Magazine that she struggled with letting a man be a man, but she doesn’t have that problem anymore.  So a lot of readers asked, what does that mean, Let a man be a man?   I commend Kelly for her honesty in admitting that she had a problem and she fixed it.  However, you shouldn’t have to learn that the hard way, so let me tell you how you can let me be a man.
“I know what I’m doing.”

As a man, I may make some mistakes.  Sometimes I’ll do something the hard way when there’s an easier way to get it done.  However, a man needs to feel like he knows what he’s doing and a woman isn’t going to suggest he does it differently.  The most annoying thing that happens to me, and has happened several times, is when someone tells me to do something and then explains exactly how to do it.  Especially when it’s something simple like, “thaw the chicken that’s in the refrigerator.”  You don’t need to tell me, “Take the chicken out of the freezer, place it in a dish with some water in it, not HOT water though.”
“I know where I’m going.”
A close second to the one above, is refraining from giving a man directions or requesting that he ask for directions.  This goes back to the previous point about letting a guy do something on his own, instead of telling him what to do.
“Can I pick?”
I know that we all have preferences about where we would like to go, what we would like to do, and how we would like to do it, but men need to be able to pick some things sometimes.  When you and your boo move in together let him pick some of the decor.  Date night is Friday, and I’m sure you’re planning to go to dinner and a movie, let him pick.  Or here’s a thought, let him plan the whole night.
“Do what I ask and do it exactly as I ask.”
When a man asks you do something, some times you just need to do it.  Here’s what bothers us:  when we ask and you revamp it so that it works for you.  It makes us feel like you don’t listen to us, or you don’t value our desires as much as your own; it affects our ability to feel like we are leading or providing.
“It is still the year of the Gentleman.”
I was raised by all women, so I’m used to carrying everything.  I will simply not allow my girl to carry anything but her purse.  Also, I still like to open doors, and I will always position myself in between traffic and you.  I like to pay.  I once dated a woman who made way more money than I did.  I didn’t have a problem letting her pay on occasion, but all other times I like to pay.  (Dating tip: Here’s what gentlemen do, they give their card to the waiter when they hand them back the menu.  That way, there is no awkward conversation when the check arrives.  If you want to pay for him, just do the same.)
“I can only be me.  The same old J.”
My father always told me that a man must determine his character and integrity because if someone else decides it for you, you will never be accountable.  Real talk, you have to stop telling men who to be.  Don’t let these six words ever come out of your mouth, “What you need to do is.“  This just leads to nowhere good.  A man has to pick and choose who he wants to be and how he wants to do it.  (Quick note, never find a man a job.  If you want to know why, go back and watch Soul Food again.  A man has to find his own work, no matter how strong your network is.)
There are several reasons why women have issues with letting a man be a man.  9 times out of 10, in my opinion, people can avoid those problems by stopping something or not doing something they want to do.  Everyone should have a list of, needs, wants and desires.  Wisdom to know the difference of those three words will take us all far in life.  You might want a man to turn the music down.  You desire that he’s on time and waiting for you, even if you’re running a little late.  What you need, however, is for a man to be a man, that way you don’t have to be.