Are Your Friends A Reflection Of You?

by LJ Knight
I can recall a moment in high school that stayed with me today. A teacher, whom I happened to know from church, pulled me aside as I was walking down the hall with my crew, which consisted of four other girls. She asked me why I was hanging out with those particular girls. I looked at her puzzled. She then went on to drop a piece of advice that has stayed with me since, “You know, you are who you hang out with.” I remember just staring at her for five seconds, then proceeding down the hall with my girls. The impact of those words never hit me until much later in life.
You are who you hang out with and birds of a feather flock together. Everyone reading has probably heard both of these adages at some point in their lives. But, is there any truth to them? Do your friends, associates, patnas’, homies, or girlfriends–whatever title you give them–reflect who you are? Are their actions a direct reflection of your own personality and morals? Yes, they can be. But, much like all things, there are limitations to this.
First of all, there has to be something between the two of you that holds the friendship together. You have to have certain commonalities that make you even want to hang with this person. However, there will always be something that separates you two. For instance, I have friends who I think are still stuck in the hood. Not just physically, but mentally as well. They refuse to attempt to strive for more. They like their lives as is. They still participate in some activities that I do not agree with. That certainly is their choice. I am the polar opposite of that. I have always wanted more than the crumbs that were thrown at me due to my circumstances. So, I went out and got it. Now, I am still friends with these people and I still have love for them. I still care for them deeply and always will but, admittedly, our interactions have become limited. Not because I am so against their lifestyle but more so because the similarities that brought us together are not enough to keep us as close. The differences trumped the similarities, so the separation happened naturally. We will always be friends but with limitations. Why the limits? For fear that their lifestyle choices may bleed over into what I’m doing and affect me. The gravity of the differences are what distance the friendship.
It is when your friends’ decisions begin to affect you that things get sticky. An example of this is having a friend with a Kat Stacks mentality, and although she may be a sweetheart toward you, her reckless lifestyle and self-destructive ways can affect those close to her. Warning: this is when the adage you are who you hang out could greatly affect you. Not only could it affect your reputation but it could also affect your safety. So while we may have commonalities that brought us to each other, the differences are what could limit the depth of the friendship or completely separate us. You may not always be exactly identical to who you hang out with but there will be similarities. The similarities are what will hold the friendship strong while the differences can tear it apart. Another example is that you could have a friend who does crack. Yes, a crackhead friend. And although you may love them dearly, and your similarities brought you two together, the crack will undoubtedly keep a wall between you two and limit your growth together.
To answer the question as to whether birds of a feather truly do flock together, I would have to say, “Yes,” but with some limitations to the adage. These birds can come together due to some commonalities among them. However, the flying can never turn into true soaring if one of the birds likes to play and sit in sh*t. Warning! Don’t let any of their droppings get on you. Corny analogy, I know, but how else can you avoid being shi**ed on?